


Hux, Hugs, Hunks

by ImperialRemnant



Series: Shenanigans of the Force Kind [2]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Gen, Randomness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-18
Updated: 2015-11-18
Packaged: 2018-05-02 05:10:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,308
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5235416
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ImperialRemnant/pseuds/ImperialRemnant
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>General Hux attempts to report Kylo to Snoke for unprofessional behaviour after the Gundark situation.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hux, Hugs, Hunks

**Author's Note:**

> Part 2, feat. Snoke! Not really sure what I'm doing at this point. Grammar mistakes are all my own.

After the incident with the Gundarks, Phasma wasn’t looking forward to being around Kylo  _or_  Hux. Hux being worse though, but fortunately his anger hadn’t been directed at her. Unfortunately, Hux was in an even worse mood after trying to report Kylo to Snoke.

Funny story that.

So get this, Hux had, and it’s not like Phasma overheard this conversation. Or even heard it recounted by Hux himself. No, this was absolutely, definitely from down the grape vine. From, like, the engineer from the eightieth floor or something. Not that there were floors on Star Destroyers, because it was totally and completely on Starkiller Base. Maybe. Who knows? Well, it doesn’t really matter where she heard it because she could tell anyone she came across that it’s completely true, on the Emperor’s grave.

Hux called up Snoke, the Supreme Leader being rather annoyed by the intrusion.

“This had better be good Hut,” Snoke said, “I’m busy.”

“Hux,” General Hux corrected him, calm, composed.

“Whassat?” Snoke asked, his attention off screen.

“It’s General Hux, sir.”

“Woops, sorry Hugs. What can I do you for?”

General Hux let out a quick sigh, “Sir, Kylo Ren has been, well, unprofessional.”

“Kylo!? Never!” Snoke disappeared off screen a moment, yelling at somebody to hold down the rancor. He appeared again.

If Hux heard, he didn’t mention it as he continued, “Sir, I found him with a Gundark in a-,”

“Look here, kid,” Snoke interrupted, but at least he now looked at Hux, “Kylo Ren is the best thing to ever happen to this Order. And to the Knights. So force tell me, Hunks-”

“Hux.”

“-what did Kylo do that was so unprofessional?” 

“That’s what I was trying to explain, sir,” Hux was quite good at keeping composure, but he was cracking, “See, Kylo had a gundark brought over to the base, and a bunch of tutus. I had to have the shipping department check that out, and he had those tutus shipped in months ago! Why had no one said anything? Anyway, sir, sorry, yes I can see you’re busy. So, he wore a tutu and tried to put another one on a gundark! He destroyed one of our TIE fighters, one of our  _best_  pilots were killed.”

“I can see how this could upset you kid,” Snoke told him, “but you gotta tell me: Did everybody else wear tutus?” 

Hux didn’t reply immediately, too taken aback, “I…yes, sir. I had to wear one to enter the area, but I don’t see how-,”

Snoke put his hand up to stop Hux from continuing, “Then I don’t see the problem.”

Hux remained silent, in complete disarray. Then, “Sir, Ren wasted the Order’s money on… on…useless… things.”

Snoke scoffed, “Money well spent, I say! Look, Harks, this rancor is getting really drunk, so I gotta run.”

“Sir, you’re getting a rancor drunk? Sir, are you sure that’s a good idea, sir?” Hux was really getting out of it. 

And Phasma, who totally wasn’t right around the corner or outside the door or anything, realised Snoke was getting a rancor  _drunk?_ Dear Force. She’d rather see Kylo in a circus. Much less dangerous, yet still horrifying.

Snoke continued, “Call me when ya gotta real issue, kid. Like that Slyplobber or something.”

“Of course sir,” Hux said exasperated, “Just-,” Hux was cut off by Snoke cutting him off.

The room now dimmed from Snoke cutting off. Insulted to be cut off (because cut off), Hux stood up taller, straightening his shirt.

“Captain,” Hux said to Phasma- who, as said earlier, was absolutely not right outside the door. Phasma stood at attention, legs clacking together, standing straight, blaster over chest.

“Find Kylo, we need to organise this next mission,” he sighed, “unfortunately we can’t do it without him.”

“Of course sir,” Phasma told him. Hux exited the room and Phasma followed. “Sir, just, one more thing.”

“Yes Captain?” Hux didn’t sound so annoyed anymore. But Phasma liked to think she had that sort of effect on people.

“What colour do you think Kylo’s tutu was?”

Hux made that expression, the one people made when they were asked the most obvious question in the galaxy. Which Hux also pointed out, “That’s the most obvious question in the galaxy. Pink, of course.”

Phasma gave a firm nod, “Indeed, sir. As I told him. He disagreed.”

“He’ll be the death of us,” Hux shook his head. “Go and find him, Captain. Meet me in Conference Eighteen.”

* * *

Hux entered the conference room, greeted with a chorus of “Morning General Hugs, sir!”

“It’s Hux!”

* * *

Phasma found Kylo in the Knights Quarters. Regrettably, she walked in on him at the worst time.

“OH GOD!” Phasma screamed, horrified at the sight in front of her.

Kylo had powder all over his mask, blush on where his cheeks would be, lipstick where his mouth would be, lip liner, eyeliner, eye shadow, mascara. Like a clown. Phasma grabbed hold of the door arch to stop herself from toppling over.

“Hi!” Kylo said, in the middle of doing the blush. Brush in one hand, container in the other.

It took a moment before Phasma could speak, “What. Are. You. Doing?”

“I found a makeup brand named after me!” Kylo said, chirpy as always, “So I decided to use it!”

Phasma went up to the blush container, grabbing it from him and reading the brands name, to see  _Kryolan_  written on the bottom.

“This doesn’t say Kylo Ren, you nerf!” Phasma waved the blush in front of him.

“Yes it does!” Kylo insisted, trying to grab it back, “It says so on the container! Give it back, Phasma!”

“Nah-ah!” Phasma held the blush up in the air, “It says Kryolan, not Kylo Ren!” 

“It says Kylo Ren!” He started jumping, trying to get the blush back. “Give it, give it, giiive iit!”

“Not until you admit it doesn’t say Kylo Ren!” Phasma yelled at him.

Kylo started screaming back, continuing to insist it said Kylo Ren. The two ran around, first in the room, leaving the room and into the quarters of the other Knights, who were, quite conveniently, absent.

The sight would have horrified Hux. His best Captain running from a Knight of Ren who had smothered their mask in makeup. Over a  _blush_ container.

Phasma found herself cornered, having shoved a table between her and Ren, but almost against a wall.

“Alright, I’ll give it back,” Phasma said, “But under one condition.”

“It says Kylo Ren!” Kylo insisted.

“No, not that,” Phasma said, “You have to tell me something else.”

Kylo nodded, relaxing his stance, no longer appearing like he planned to attack or run after her. Phasma also relaxed and then asked, “Do you…”

Kylo looked like he was squirming.

“…love…”

Kylo stiffened.

“…Darth Vader?”

Silence. Kylo shrugged, “Well sure, I mean everybody kinda knows that already, so I don’t see what the big deal is.”

“Are you gay?” Phasma threw the blush back to Kylo.

“Oh I love Darth Vader so that  _must_  make me gay,” Kylo said, “Kinda homophobic, man.”

“Well calling me man is sexist.”

“Calling me sexist is man.”

“What?”

Another argument would have formed, had it not been for a comlink going off. Phasma answered, General Hux’s voice heard over the comm, “Captain, where are you and Ren?”  

Phasma replied, “Had an issue, sir. We’re fine. Well, I’m fine.”

“As long as you’re okay, Captain. Just get here, for Force’s sake.”

“Yes sir,” Phasma replied, Hux cut off the call.

Phasma gestured Kylo to follow her and the two headed off to the conference room.

* * *

When they arrived to the meeting, both saluted, saying “General Hunks!” Hux glared at them, not wishing for their childishness right now. He stared at Kylo the longest, for both had forgotten about Kylo’s mask still smothered in makeup. Hux didn’t bother asking.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! Leave a review or Kudos! <3 :D


End file.
